A complete and udder truth: the discovery of milk

The guy who discovered milk was not creep.

In fact I don’t even think it was a guy.

I reckon Eve was breastfeeding Cain while watching a calf suck on momma’s mammaries and thought, “Bitch I wanna turn sucklin’ that shit; Cain is sapping my strength.”

She then left Cain by a rock while she went and squeezed some titty juice out of the cow. She drank it and grew fat. Adam was chuffed. He had a thing for chubby girls.

Meanwhile, Cain was left alone and cried for hours. His mother was so busy learning how to properly squeeze the tit and make cheese from boob fluid that she neglected him and did not soothe his cries.

It says in Ezekiel 5:9, “And thus Cain became emotionally scarred, like the Unabomber and most violent offenders. Instead of bonding with his mother’s warm bosom, Cain bonded with cold rocks.”

Cain’s relationship with rocks became a problem later in his life. But that’s a sidetrack.

Many unfunny people say, “Man the guy who discovered milk, what was he doing?” And then they giggle like they’re still in elementary school.

Well, now you know what really transpired. Next time you lick cream cheese off a spoon, think about your children and what you can do to prevent them from becoming emotionally scarred adults.

Leave a Comments