If an alien asked us how long we’ve lived here ….

If aliens ever came to earth they would be disturbed at how differently everyone would answer the question, “So how long have you guys lived here?”

On one end of the spectrum, they’d get the 6,000-year guys, like my dad.

“What about fossils?” alien asks sheepishly.

“G, god is testing us.”

That lot would be the first to get probed, that’s for sure. Dad is devout. He would definitely enjoy a probing. And by the way, fuck spelling god with a capital G. If you take offence at that, I’m spelling your name in lower case too.

Next, they’d find people with answers like, “G I don’t even know. Maybe a couple million years? I’m not a scientist. Why do you even care so much? Just chill and smoke this man, we all finna die soon.”

The aliens would not smoke because they have ‘Just Say No!’ where they come from too.

Then they’d find the 1% who’d be ready to drop some knowledge.

“Well Mr. Alien, the first evidence of homo sapiens originated approximately 315,000 years ago in Africa. They began percolating to different regions of the globe around 125,000 to 60,000 years ago. Modern iterations of sapiens began appearing about 50,000 years ago. I have lived here for 43 years. Does that answer your question succinctly?”

The aliens would say yes and then go and smoke because in the meantime they learned about #yolo.

And that’s my story.

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